Brief New Year's resolution & random thought

Finally came up with a New Year's resolution: BE AT CHURCH 10 MINUTES BEFORE SERVICE STARTS. Actually, be at all meetings 10 minutes before they start, if possible.

Random thought

On a somewhat related note—I have been having a much harder time waking up lately, and I am confused as to why, since I went all of middle school, high school, and college without enough sleep but was still consciously able to drag myself out of bed at an appropriate time. Lately (in Houston, during law school), I've been getting the full amount of sleep (if not more) pretty much every night, but it still truly feels like I am incapable of getting out of bed in the mornings (as in can't, not won't). As far as I know, I don't have any major sleep problems that are preventing me from getting a good night's rest, and yet I still feel like the waking dead in the morning. Because I don't detect any sleep issues, I think perhaps it is simply my shameful lack of self-discipline in dragging myself out of bed, subconscious though it may be.

.....So actually, I'm not sure the paragraph above really flows logically into what I'm about to say, but this is actually the thought I was having: what if my lack of self-discipline is driven by a significantly increased interest in my appearance? I don't know if this is shallow or not, but I will continue with my thought process. All through middle/high school/college, I didn't really care about my appearance. I didn't understand that things like bags or dark circles under my eyes did not belong on people my age, or that I should have been getting more sleep. Or maybe I did understand, but just didn't care—after all, if I visibly wasn't sleeping enough, it was just another symbol to my peers that I worked hard. I didn't particularly care about beauty or presentability, probably because I was against "trying too hard," or I simply couldn't be bothered, or I had a latent fear of trying but failing in this area. Most likely a mix of all three.

In any case, I think I always knew I couldn't go on in the same way forever, wearing t-shirts, dark under-eye circles clearly visible, etc. [Okay, actually, I'm going to pause here and just say that there are a couple other major reasons behind my belated arrival to such a conclusion, but I'll leave those out for now.] In a way, starting law school was my excuse for gradually and finally trying out the personal styles I'd had in my head for years, which meant acquiring an actual wardrobe and also figuring out (painfully) that I needed to be picky in what I bought (this is a good thing, because prior to being picky, I bought things that weren't exactly what I wanted, because I just felt bad for the store clerk who spent time on me, or I didn't want to have "wasted" time shopping.....what this really translated to was wasted money).

Then, legal field outward presentation norms + lack of any romantic relationships also led me to consider makeup. As of today, I actually own makeup, but still strongly prefer not to put any of the stuff on, which—bear with me—leads me back to the whole sleeping dilemma. So, actually, the single thing I take real issue with is having a dark and puffy under-eye area, even after consistently getting enough sleep. (But see, since consistent, sufficient sleep has only occurred within the past 1.5 years, I didn't realize that this would still be a problem—until somewhat recently.) ANYWAY, how does this all relate?

Here's my theory: sleeping enough/more than enough each night = significant lessening/disappearance of puffiness and dark under-eye circles = no need for makeup or any kind of concealer in that area = happiness b/c I don't need to wear makeup in order to look presentable (presentable meaning not looking like I haven't slept for a week) = (subconsciously) I should let myself sleep in / significant decrease in self-discipline in getting out of bed because it is now important to me that I look presentable and not have to wear makeup to achieve that.

Now, I'm not sure that's all very logical or accurate, but I guess I'll find out, because I've capitulated to the idea of procuring an everyday under-eye concealer, the search of which started me on this whole thought train. That is, if sleeping in/enough/more than enough doesn't get rid of puffiness and dark circles, and if I'm now about to purchase a concealer that will hide them regardless of how much sleep I get, then there is no more reason or subconscious need to sleep in, given the nullified hope of achieving this all naturally.

Could the answer really be that simple? Could a tube of concealer really solve my inability-to-wake dilemma?? I write this last part somewhat facetiously, but what if I'm right?? (In which case, self-discipline will require applying concealer every day, even if I prefer not to.) I guess I'll find out and perhaps post an update on this issue if I am met with success (and if I remember). Ahhh the human psyche and logical thinking processes can be weird sometimes.