Never back down............?

Hmm. As a Christian and a very stubborn woman, I was really challenged tonight by what it means to tolerate or love other people. Or even what it means to be Christian.

When you're in a semi-heated debate about religion, faith, knowledge, and truth........how do you do it? How do you......engage the other person(s), respect them, love them, while still disagree with them? It's a LOT harder in practice than in theory (because nothing from the theoretical works in the real-life debate). There appears to be only two possible ways the argument could end: either you're right or they're right. No in-between, no compromise (or so it seems).

We'd been debating the same thing for hours, going around and around with the same examples, hypotheticals, and arguments. So how do you do it? How do you win the argument?

I guess you don't. At one point, a voice in my head said, "Just lose. Lose the argument. Just lose the argument. Gracefully, if possible." And THAT really made me stop and think, because as a Christian, don't I have to win the argument? Don't I have to prove to the other person something that's not necessarily provable to them? Don't I have to leave them with questions and thoughts that make them want to consider Christianity? Aren't I always on a mission to convert people?

But writing all that down makes me feel slimy. Yes, I truly have a desire to see people come to Christ, but I don't think that's going to happen if I hardcore win every debate I have with atheists, agnostics, or even other Christians (first of all, I'm not logical enough to win, as evidenced by my debate experiences in general and also by my supposedly INFJ personality, which depends more on intuition and feeling rather than straight up logic, which is accurate of me). What do I gain if I win? A boosted ego or pride in my intelligence? I think I'd feel unsatisfactorily vindicated. Unsatisfactorily because I wouldn't have won in the end. How horrible would it be to win the battle, only to lose the war?

Slimy. Maybe that's why so many people are put off by Christians. Because we're so focused on winning the battle that we forget it's a war we're fighting. We may not want to swallow it, but there are both strategic losses and victories in winning a war. And it's not a war that we're fighting for us. It's for Him. But somehow our pride always gets in the way, not just with non-Christians, but also with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. No wonder marriages are so difficult.

There are always going to be people who you can't win over with apologetics and semantics. And to try and win an argument against that may even be detrimental to them coming to know Christ. You obviously can't just put aside your own values and beliefs, but do you really need to win the debate? Do you really need to go around and around in circles until the other person is so tired of arguing that they just numbly accept it (but not accept it)? Do you risk a friendship, a relationship, a soul, over that?

So I lost the argument--as gracefully as I could. Now I just need to practice strategically and gracefully losing arguments in order to honor His name, in the hopes of winning over lives for Christ and deepening relationships, both with non-Christians and Christians. Love mixed with humility.