Back in Carmel

Waiting for some email/life things to get done, so I thought I'd finally jot down some thoughts I've been having (about moving) pre-move/post-move from Houston.

Am I happy that I moved back to Indiana / do I miss Houston?

Yes and yes.

• Indiana has a certain beauty that one does not appreciate, unless one has been living in a harsher natural environment (like Houston) for several years. It's raining here as I write, and even the rain reminds me of the differences. The rain here never seems to rage as it comes down as it sometimes does in Houston, where flooding can occur within hours. And at night here, it cools down to the 60s (amazing). Does this beauty and weather matter though? To me, yes. It's not just the natural beauty, but the peace, the safety, and the serenity I feel here. I know I'm leaving soon, but being here is like a balm after seven long years of studying and stress.
• Being at home also means living with my parents again, which means taking into account their wishes to know where I am and what I'm doing, despite me essentially having been on my own for the last 7 years. I realize that I am also much lazier about taking care of household matters and chores when I am at home, so I need to readjust to living with my parents while also being more responsible.
• I am mentally chuckling as I compare friendship experiences in Indiana versus Houston. Compared to the calmness here, even with people as we gather, Houston friends seem more raucous/loud. Even I feel too loud (?) here sometimes. It's not a bad thing—just different. And honestly, I miss being a quieter person.
• I missed Houston more than I thought I would. Not the weather. The people. All the relationships that I loved, and the ones that I knew would have grown much deeper with time.
• But I'm still pretty sure moving didn't hit me as hard as it might others. Too used to it, I guess. Too used to life moving on, and knowing that even my time here in Indiana is temporary. Don't know if this is a good or bad thing.

Some other side thoughts:

(1) I read this article called "Psychology debunks the idea that we’d be happier if we lived somewhere else." The title pretty much says it all, but the article is worth a read if you're someone like me, who tends to have wanderlust / definitely thought moving back to Indy would make me happier. It's a good reminder, however, that the more you know a place/person/church/etc., the more flaws you'll find. In the end, nothing is perfect here, but living and even loving despite the imperfections are a part of growing up.

(2) This article has also been on an open tab in my browser for at least a month: "Four Reasons Why We Leave" by the DesiringGod blog. The four reasons given:

1. We leave because God saves us to send us.
2. We leave because the gospel saves the unreached.
3. We leave because the gospel saves us from living for ourselves.
4. We leave because so few do.

This article was missions-oriented, and the entire thing resonated with me, especially the last point. I feel like I have tried to verbalize these sentiments to various people at various points about why more people should do long-term overseas missions, but I was never very eloquent about it. However, I also fear that perhaps I am being hypocritical, because what if I never leave for long-term missions? I know it's not a guilt-trip type of thing, but I don't want to get too comfortable here either, and perhaps that is one of the reasons I seek out things that I know will tear me away from a consistent life in one place (but maybe this will work against me in the future when I should want to stay in one place). I have felt called to overseas mission since high school, but I also feel like I have a long way to go to being ready (is there such a thing as being "ready"?), and that the next several years of my life will also be clarifying (that is, traveling/working with the Air Force, and possibly/hopefully living overseas). That being said, I also need to be motivated in actively learning more about what it's like to be an overseas missionary (aka reading books, talking to my missionary friends, etc.).

(3) One of the things I was most excited about coming back to Indy was to be with my church here and be involved with the youth group. This is because my church was crucial in my growth as a Christian when I was in middle and high school, and I know how moldable those middle/high school kids are. But because I'm here for only a short time, I'm also afraid that I won't be very....effective/helpful/etc. It's a lot of kids for such a short time, and I question how much I can really do. But then again, maybe this is the wrong focus—that is, rather wondering how much I can do, I should trust in God, who can do a lot with me regardless of the situation. Hmm yeah. That sounds better.

(4) I've been recovering from traveler's diarrhea/weakness/dehydration in the past week and a half that I've been back from Asia. I'm pretty much recovered now (though I am plagued by this weird sneezing/congestion that I can't figure out is a cold or allergies....if it's allergies, it's really weird, because I've NEVER had summer/fall allergies before, anywhere), so training for the Air Force needs to start in earnest. That means becoming a runner, ahh!! (Seriously though. So much running.) Anyway, I have decided to go to some of the free events the Runner's Forum hosts in Zionsville (closer to me than the Carmel location), which include learning proper running form and going on long runs. Pray for me!!