An apology

[In short, there was someone who recently apologized to me for deep pain they had caused me in the past.]

Of course I said things to the effect of: "I forgive you. I appreciate your apology."

...But even now, I refuse to feel any emotion. I know that letting myself do so would bring no resolution—only bad memories and bad feelings.

So have I really forgiven them? Did I say it just because it was the right thing to say, but haven't truly forgiven them?

Or did I forgive them long ago, and then moved on with life—knowing that any possibility of intimacy with them has long become extinct or even wanted?

I know that there is a scar in me that will forever remain—that will forever cause an ache. True forgiveness wouldn't require that the ache stop, would it? Is that even humanly possible?

I have always heard (and said to others) that you can forgive someone....but that didn't mean you had to ever trust them (as much) again. Is that true? Is that true forgiveness?

Always, I come back to this question. In the face of irrevocable hurt, what does true forgiveness feel like? How does it express itself? After all, we can all say the words. But are there any associated actions? And if so, what are they?

I don't have the answers.