Confused =/

Um. I think one of my roommates is mad/annoyed at me? I don't know why. I'm also not sure if what I'm feeling is what's actually happening.....but, I guess I'm just confused. I want to confront her (in a gentle way), but I'm not sure if I should. And I do want to be gracious, even if she's not.

I guess it's been interesting so far. As I kind of guessed, I'm the only Oriental female on project (there's one other guy that just joined, and two staff males that are Korean). It's a little awkward for me, because even though I get along with pretty much everyone (in general life), I do feel outnumbered in a group that's predominantly white (I mean, I am).

The second night we were here, we had soul-to-souls with our small groups. Soul-to-soul is basically sharing your life story, and small groups are usually five people, but mine was only three (another girl, me, and our staff discipler). I....don't remember the last time I cried sharing my story, but I definitely did that night (it was so unexpected!!!! I thought I had since learned how to hold in the pain and tears, but maybe it was God's sign that He was starting to break me).

Usually, when I go on a trip like this or adjust to a new environment, I'm a really outgoing, hang-out-every-chance-I-get kind of person. There was a girl that was able to name everybody on the second day, and in a different situation, I would have been that girl. As it is, I still haven't even met everybody yet (there are about 50 of us), and I've been keeping to my room a lot. There are pros and cons to that, too, but again, I think that God may be preparing to use me in a different way this summer.

Something I would usually never do--I chose the Prayer Leadership Team as my first choice. This is because I did choose to develop my prayer life this summer, and even though I know I would be really good at a different team, I think God was challenging me to choose this one. I chose to work with a very multi-ethnic church called Fountain of Life that's on the border of Long Beach and Compton. I'm not quite sure how it'll turn out, but I know that it requires me to be ready at 7am on Sunday mornings. I think that I could think that I'm sacrificing a lot, but I would like to remember that all I'm doing is for the Lord, and that He has very specific plans to prosper me this summer.

There's also about 15 people in our living room right now playing Mafia, and I kind of want to join, and yet I felt the need to spend some alone time (well, not alone, one of my roommates is sitting across from me =]) to answer emails and write this post.

I'm trying to keep a tight rein on my heart, and I believe Jesus is guarding and shielding it from distraction. I have since thought of yet another song that I would do well to remember this summer:

Lord, prepare me
To be a sanctuary
Pure and holy
Tried and true
With thanksgiving
I'll be a living
Sanctuary
For You

All right. I must sleep now--I believe I'm keeping up a regimen of yoga at 6:30am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays this summer (or at least the first 5 weeks when the staff is still here--oh yeah, they all LEAVE after five weeks, leaving us kids by ourselves). I'll be praying about what to say, if to say anything at all, to my roommate that I'm confused about. I miss you CCF people (uhh....I miss your Asian-ness, too haha). Good night!