Jammed Finger

Owwww =[. I jammed my left hand middle finger trying to catch a football and I think it's pretty bad.....

So this is gonna be short and sweet (maybe not sweet).

Well.........you could probably disregard a lot of my previous post. Forget it. Forget what I was saying. Because although I knew there was something wrong in how I was thinking/acting here, I tried a little too hard to force myself into coming up with what it was.

I still feel lonely at times; I'm still disappointed at the lack of passion for global missions or even for being globally-minded (but it's not the people that I.....hate? It's, again, their lack of passion. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I do not believe my thinking is wrong. I am almost certain--and praying for it--that God will light many of their hearts on fire for international missions....whether it be through a stint or even just a month in a foreign country. They just don't have any idea right now). But as Tiffany so well reminded me (thanks, it was definitely something I needed to hear), the love that I am called to give/act out/pour out is unconditional. Love, without expecting anything in return. That's a huge part of what I've been missing. I've simply been expecting people to be better than they are, and that is wrong of me.

Annnddd.........IT'S SO HARD!!!! To think that Jesus so fully accomplished this task of loving people.....loving sinners, his disciples (who later betrayed him), his parents, all his acquaintances--and doing so without any expectations. Maaaaaaad props. And see, it's what we need to do as well. Oh man.


I also realized this Monday that I haven't seen this Project as one body worshiping the true and living God. And that is also wrong, because that stemmed from my bratty/disgusting/huge pride. As if I was the only one who was really worshiping God...........get a grip, Stephanie!! It's not that I feel I am so far above everyone else (although I do sin in that way often), it's that I have forgotten that these are my brothers and sisters in Christ, and that our purpose is to bring worship to our Father! And that it's not just me--my family here is also dedicated to our Savior; they love Him just as much as I do. I believe this ties in to my love for Project people. Not only have I been guilty of conditional love, but I have also lived in some sort of tunnel-vision world, where there's only me and the Light at the end. How stupid of me.

Jesus, protect me now from the workings and twisting deviousness of the devil. You conquer all, and You have authority over all the earth. Shield me from evil.


So that's REALLY what's up. And I guess it wasn't that short.....